Ready Made Family
Now a days, you will rarely find someone who is without children already. Especially women that are independent mothers. You may find a man that is in this situation also. You may meet one of these type of people, fall in love, and maybe get married one day. Some of these relationships usually end because of the mindset that is brought into it from the beginning. There are a few things you have to take into account once you enter a ready made family. Your "time" together may be limited, establishing the roles to the children could be a challenge, especially depending on the children's ages.
This is how you approach this situation. You may really be into the one your spending time with. Your best bet will be to sit back, and observe the home, and observe your mate with his/her children, and take mental notes. What I mean by all of this is. Watch how they interact with their children. Children can break up a relationship, only if their allowed.
I will speak for some of the men now. Women tend to get attached to kids a little easier than men, from what I have seen and heard. Men, if she is being a pushover to her children, who do you think you are? If her kids respect her, then more than likely, if she loves you. She will make them respect you, if not for just being an adult. The respect as being their father figure comes later from her, and the children. She should support you in what you are trying to be their father figure.
Ladies, if you decide to let a man into your life and you already have children. You want him to step in a be the father figure, then let him be the father he knows how to be, that is KEY!! There is nothing more aggrevating, than a woman that cannot control her kids. Especially since he VOLUNTEERED for the responsiblilty of raising another man's child, or children.
When you get married, the kids are part of the package. So this is why I said observe whats going on before you say, "I do". If you start to shield your children everytime the discipline is put into play from his side. He will not be there long. Ladies, you still need to be observant for a while also. Making sure that he is not abusing them in some way. Once he is fully excepted by you and the children, your relationship should run pretty smooth.
There is a way to "fit in" to a ready made family. As I said before, observe how things are around his/her house first. Instead of trying to think of what you can change around there. See where you can fit into the family to help facilitate what is ALREADY established. Yes thats right, what is ALREADY established. She/He has a system that works for them.
If you invite yourself into this situation. Throwing monkey wrenches around, is not going to help. You want to complete the puzzle, not tear it apart. If there is something you may observe that does not seem like something you could deal with. Then mabey this is not the situation for you.
This is simply because to a real parent. Their children will come first. Men and women come and go, but our children will be our children forever. How could you except someone and not except their children is way beyond me. These days, children REALLY need both parents, or two parental figures in their lives. Everything that I said for the fellas to do. Women, you have to apply the same tactics. You would not want to be with a man that does not make his children respect you either.
Its usually easier to be excepted by the children when they are small. Versus when they are in their teens. The whole, "your not my mother/father" thing is in play. So you REALLY need to sit back and ask yourself are you really ready to step into the picture? Like I said before, children can destroy a relationship, if you let them. So when you have the one you want to be with. Talk to your children about that person. Make them be aware of what is going to possibly happen. Springing someone new into their lives, is NOT a good idea!
For instance, I have a son. The FIRST time he came over, I set the rules for him when it came to my wife. I simply told him, this is not your mother, but you WILL respect her. I let him know that I meant business. She did this for me as well. Needless to say, we have never had any problems out of these two not excepting each other, or the other way around. We all get along wonderfully. The clock is still running smoothly.
With this information, I hope that it help you with your decision to make this move to be with someone who already has children. The key word in this is OBSERVE!! Also be real with yourself. If something raises a red flag. You may want to pay attention to that feeling. It may be a sign of letting you know that this is not for you. Before you go and waist time. Once you step in, your life changes from that point on. It is not about you anymore. Take care and good luck with your decision.