Why did you change?
I have always wondered why do people make unnecessary changes after marriage? I understand that changes come over time, simply because, we grow, we learn, we age. When you begin to change who, and what your mate fell in love with. This is where you begin to have problems. Think about this for a minute. Apparently, you must have been doing something right for the one you are with to make them want to marry you.
After the rings go on, you change who you are, why? Its like your mate was waiting just for that moment to say, "NOW I GOT YOU"! I can let the REAL me come forth! In these cases, it can be a very bad change, or hopefully a good change. When it comes to this, the men tend to be a little more drastic than women. Men may go as far as physically hurting her, or even worse...death. Women typically stop doing all the little special things she used to do, become a nagger, or cheat.
Lets talk about the male side of this. Some men develope a "slave master" mentality after marriage. This means that he wants his wife to basically, bow down and worship him. You do as I say now, I am your husband. He has turned into a control freak! Personally, I do not know what makes a man want to be this way. Who in their right mind wants to be imprisoned? Men, allow me to explain something to you.
You should not have to force your way into being the man of the house. If you have say that you are the man of your house....you're not. This type of respect is earned men, not given, and sure as hell not taken. Your woman needs to feel safe around you, protected, secure. If you have her intimidated, nervous around you. Her trusting you will be very limited, or none at all. The man that she fell so deeply in love with, and to trust her life with. Has to be the man that you will be AFTER you get married. By doing this, she will not have any feelings of regret. She will be happy, and satisfied, and proud with her choice.
Let talk about the female side of this. Some women develope the "I have won" mentality. What this is, its the, well I have won the race, now I can kick back and enjoy the ride attitude. All of the things she used to do for you to get you there, came to a screeching halt! Sex becomes less, cooking becomes less, cleaning becomes less, acting as a lady becomes less. So now your man is out there looking for what he once had before he some how lost it. Which will open up another can of worms in your relationship. Some of the things I have named, have a vice versa effect. Plus there are many, MANY more issues that come about after marriage.
Basically ladies and gentlemen, it boils down to this. What you did to get them, is what you are going to have to do, and probably a little more to keep them. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are simply good ones, and bad ones. I have heard the women change more than I have heard that men change. I am quite sure that its very close to being equal when it comes to this matter.
The thing for humor I would do is. I would say that there is an invisible switch on the ring finger. It has an off/on switch. Once the ring goes past it, CLICK ITS ON!! Now its time to act a fool, cheat, abuse, lie, and all that crazy stuff unstable people do. After a divorce, you slide the ring back off, click/off, now its time to be sane again. So you will able to find you another mate.
It is amazing to me how people are when it comes to dating. Its just like they are applying for a job. You're resume will be PERFECT! In other words, in the beginning you are putting you best foot forward everyday. This is until you become comfortable. Now the REAL you comes out, and then all hell breaks loose. This is why I tell people, be YOU! Allow the person you met to have a fair choice is to whether they want to be with you or not. If you come at them with this "show" that you are someone that you are not. What happens when the real you shows up? You may not be the one they actually wanted, and you loose out on the deal.
By all means, be comfortable in your own skin. It is a wonderful feeling to simply be excepted and loved for who you are, just for being you. No matter how silly, goofy, even unattractive you may be to some people. Someone will love you... just the way you are.
The A-Z to a healthy relationship.